R U OK? Day 2026: 5 Questions to Ask Someone Who’s Really Struggling

R U OK? Day is Thursday 10 September 2026. It is a reminder that a genuine conversation can help someone feel less alone , particularly when life feels overwhelming, uncertain or difficult to manage.

Asking “Are you OK?” is important, but sometimes the first answer is automatic: “Yes, I’m fine.” If you have noticed changes in someone’s mood, behaviour or routine, a thoughtful follow-up question may help them feel safe enough to speak honestly.

From a psychosocial and counselling perspective, the aim is not to diagnose someone or solve everything in one conversation. It is to create connection, listen without judgement and help the person take the next step towards appropriate support. If you would like to speak with Nurturing Hands about psychosocial support or Telehealth Counselling, you can call us directly on 03 9003 0253.

Why meaningful check-ins matter

People who are struggling may not always say so directly. They might withdraw from friends, stop attending activities, seem unusually tired or irritable, lose interest in things they usually enjoy, or find everyday tasks harder than before.

These signs do not automatically mean someone is experiencing a mental health crisis. However, they can be a reason to reach out.

A meaningful check-in is more than asking a question while rushing between tasks. Where possible, choose a calm moment, give the person your full attention and allow silence. You do not need to have perfect words. Being genuine and present matters more.

The official R U OK? conversation guide recommends four broad steps: ask, listen, encourage action and check in. The questions below can help you move beyond a surface-level response.

1. “I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed like yourself lately. What’s been going on?”

This question gently names the change you have noticed without making assumptions.

Try to describe what you have observed rather than labelling the person:

• “I’ve noticed you’ve been keeping to yourself more.”
• “You seem much quieter than usual.”
• “You mentioned that sleep has been difficult lately.”
• “I’ve noticed that things at work seem to be taking a lot out of you.”

Avoid saying, “You’re acting strangely” or “You need to pull yourself together.” These statements can make someone feel judged and less willing to open up.

After asking, give them time to respond. They may need a moment to work out what they want to say. If they do not want to talk immediately, let them know you are available and follow up later.

2. “What has been feeling hardest for you at the moment?”

When someone is distressed, asking them to explain everything can feel overwhelming. This question helps narrow the conversation to what feels most difficult right now.

They may talk about:

• loneliness or isolation
• grief or relationship difficulties
• changes in their health or independence
• stress at home, school or work
• financial pressure
• anxiety about the future
• exhaustion from managing everyday responsibilities
• feeling misunderstood or unsupported

You do not need to compare their situation with anyone else’s. Avoid responses such as “At least it’s not worse” or “Everyone is going through a hard time.” Instead, try reflecting back what you hear:

“That sounds like a lot to carry.”

“I can understand why you’re feeling overwhelmed.”

“Thank you for telling me. I’m glad you didn’t have to hold that on your own.”

This kind of supportive conversation can help someone feel heard rather than rushed towards advice.

3. “How is this affecting your day-to-day life?”

Mental health challenges can affect sleep, appetite, concentration, motivation, relationships and the ability to manage ordinary routines. Asking about daily life can help you understand the level of support someone may need.

You might ask:

• “How have you been managing at home?”
• “Are you getting enough rest?”
• “Have you been able to keep up with the things you usually need to do?”
• “Has this affected your relationships or your ability to work or study?”
• “What parts of the day feel most difficult?”

Listen for changes in functioning as well as what the person says about their emotions. Someone may say they are “fine” while also describing that they have stopped eating properly, are not sleeping, or cannot face leaving the house.

Do not treat these questions as an assessment or interrogation. They are simply ways to understand what life is currently like for the person and whether more structured support could be helpful.

4. “What have you tried so far, and what kind of support would feel helpful?”

This question recognises that the person may already be doing their best to cope. It also avoids assuming that you know what they need.

They may have tried speaking with family, using a helpline, seeing their GP, changing their routine or taking time away from stressful situations. They may also say that nothing has helped yet.

You could follow up with:

• “Would you like me to listen, or would you prefer help finding options?”
• “Is there someone you already trust who we could contact together?”
• “Would it help if I sat with you while you made an appointment?”
• “Would you like information about counselling or other mental health supports?”

If they are open to professional support, a GP can help discuss appropriate care and referrals. Depending on their circumstances, a person may also benefit from ongoing psychosocial support, counselling or other community-based services.

At Nurturing Hands Allied Health, our psychosocial services and telehealth counselling are designed around the person’s goals, preferences and circumstances. Support can be provided in a familiar environment or remotely, helping reduce some of the barriers that can make attending a traditional clinic difficult. If you would like to speak with us directly about psychosocial support or Telehealth Counselling, please call 03 9003 0253.

5. “Are you feeling safe right now?”

This is the most important question if you are concerned that someone may hurt themselves or another person.

Ask calmly and directly:

“Are you thinking about hurting yourself?”

Or:

“Have you been thinking about suicide?”

Asking a direct question does not replace professional assessment, but it can make space for an honest answer. Do not panic, argue, dismiss what they say or promise to keep immediate danger a secret.

If the person says they are in immediate danger, have a plan to harm themselves or someone else, or cannot stay safe:

• Call Triple Zero (000) or take them to the nearest emergency department.
• Stay with them, or remain on the phone, if it is safe for you to do so.
• Reduce access to anything they may use to hurt themselves, where this can be done safely.
• Seek advice from a crisis service or emergency mental health team.

For crisis support in Australia, contact:

• Lifeline : 13 11 14, available 24/7
• Suicide Call Back Service : 1300 659 467
• Beyond Blue : 1300 22 4636
• healthdirect : 1800 022 222 for health advice and help understanding the next step

If there is no immediate danger but the person is clearly struggling, encourage them to contact a GP, counsellor, mental health service or trusted support person. You can offer practical help, but remember that you do not have to manage the situation alone.

What to do when someone says, “I’m not OK”

It can be difficult to know how to respond when someone answers honestly. Start with appreciation:

“Thank you for telling me.”

Then listen. You do not need to fill every silence or provide an instant solution. Ask what they need from you today and agree on one manageable next step.

That might be:

• calling a trusted person
• booking a GP appointment
• contacting a helpline
• arranging counselling
• making a plan for the next few hours
• checking in again tomorrow

Be specific about follow-up. Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” try:

“Can I call you tomorrow afternoon?”

“Would you like me to help you book an appointment?”

“Can we make sure you are not facing tonight on your own?”

Ongoing contact matters. A single conversation can be meaningful, but regular check-ins can help someone feel remembered and supported beyond R U OK? Day.

Looking after yourself as the supporter

Supporting someone who is distressed can bring up strong emotions. You may feel worried, helpless or responsible for making things better.

Your role is to listen, encourage support and respond to immediate safety concerns. You are not expected to be someone’s only source of care or to provide counselling yourself.

Set reasonable boundaries and seek support if you need it. You can speak with your own GP, a mental health professional or a helpline for guidance about supporting someone else.

Ongoing psychosocial and counselling support

For some people, a one-off conversation is the beginning of a longer support journey. Psychosocial support and counselling may assist with emotional wellbeing, coping strategies, confidence, social connection, routines, relationships and navigating challenging life changes.

Support should be collaborative and tailored to the person : including where and how they feel most comfortable receiving it. Nurturing Hands provides mobile psychosocial support and telehealth counselling in partnership with each client and their broader support network, where appropriate. For direct enquiries about psychosocial support or Telehealth Counselling, please call 03 9003 0253.

If you would like to discuss whether our service may be suitable, you can contact Nurturing Hands, call 03 9003 0253, or book a session online.

This R U OK? Day, ask : and keep asking

You do not need to wait for the perfect moment or use perfect words. Choose someone you care about, ask with genuine interest, listen carefully and follow up.

Sometimes the most helpful message is simple:

“I’m here. You don’t have to explain everything at once. Let’s work out the next step together.”

Book Your Session

If ongoing psychosocial support or telehealth counselling could help, call us on 03 9003 0253, scan the QR code below or book your session online.

Disclaimer

This article provides general information only and is not a substitute for individual mental health or medical advice. Nurturing Hands Allied Health does not provide crisis intervention. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 000. For crisis support, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14.

Funding eligibility and service arrangements vary between individuals and funding schemes. TAC funding is not applicable to Parkinson’s therapy because Parkinson’s is not related to transport accidents.

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